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If you have a baby,how bad does your relationship with your husband/wife have 2 be before you leave?
Family & Parenting / 5:35 PM - Thursday July 02, 2009

If you have a baby,how bad does your relationship with your husband/wife have 2 be before you leave?

I'm falling more out of love with my husband by the day.

I can tolerate him most days, a lot of days I do really love him, but other days I really think he's an ass and regret marrying him.

We have a son though, and if we divorce my husband would only see him a few times a year, so divorcing would mean by boy would be raised without a father.

I might be able to grow to love my husband again, or at least establish a working relationship, but I honestly regret having married him.

Have you, or would you, stay in a marriage for your child's sake? Can you just live in a cordial marriage with someone you can't love or feel loved by?

Update: July 02, 2009.
So do you honestly think that a father who won't even take a full day a week away from work to spend with his son (we're lucky if he plays with him for 15 minutes between dinner and the game) should have the right to decide where he will be raised? I would much prefer to have him in an environment where people will pay attention to him and where he can actually go outside and play. Should the primary care giver also be forced to live in more or less poverty because the husband doesn't "feel like" moving? Mind you, he changed his mind about moving after our little guy was on the way.

Update: July 02, 2009.
I really do hope it will work, but I am not staying in this town if it doesn't-especially as this move was supposed to be temporary. For a million reasons, my hometown is better for a child-there is no pollution, there are better job opportunities and better schools, safer areas to play etc. Marriage should not force a person to stay in a place they don't feel is home.

Update: July 02, 2009.
Sorry JerseyGirl, I've already consulted a lawyer and I would have every right to move, as moving would allow me to provide for our child in a way that would not be possible here. We have no family support here, yet in my home town we would get a ton of help. My husband is unwilling to provide real time for taking care of our baby, so I'm the one that has to do it. Here, I would be completely alone with 1 day a week max input from him. I can get a job that pays 4x as much in my hometown, whereas here I would be in poverty without my husband's support here. Also, from the beginning we agreed to move back after a few years. Sorry, if the dad is willing to move then he is 1000% welcome to participate as much as he wants. I'm not staying here though, nor am I legally required to, to raise a child in poverty with minimal paternal input. Either way I have to eventually go back to work, at least in my hometown we won't have to put our 4 month old in daycare.

Update: July 02, 2009.
I would go back to my hometown where I can get a much better paying job to support my child, and my family would help out a lot. Staying here wouldn't be reasonable if we were divorced, as my job options are terrible and we get pretty much no familial help with the baby-all of that is different in my home town. My husband won't move though.

- Asked by A Cool Mom, Female, 29-35

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i think i would stick it out. at worst i would legally separate but remain in the same house. (diff rooms). i would put the kid's need for both a father and mother before my happiness.

- Response by angel325, A Life of the Party, Female, 18-21, Who Cares?

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You can't just "go" back to your hometown.

Your husband has just as much right to see your child as you do! You'd have to petition the court to leave the area, and your husband would have to agree. No judge is going to allow you to take your child away from his father.


- Response by myndseye711, An Engaged Girl, Female, Who Cares?, Who Cares?

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It's a tough one. I think you guys should try marriage counselling before deciding to split. I've heard that it is amazing from everyone who has tried it. Atleast then you can say you gave it your best shot.

- Response by gemma24, A Trendsetter, Female, 26-28, Teaching

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Why would you even want to do that to yourself. If you are that unhappy your son will pick up on it if not now then later. Why would the father only see him a few times a year? It is hard to raise a child in a home that the parents dont get along and that is not good for the child either. This is one call you have to make on your own though.

- Response by nikki_coffman, Female, 36-45, Managerial

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why would your husband only get to see the kid a few times a year if you got a divorce? there are divorced couples out there that truly have 50/50 custody.

- Response by cleverscreenname, A Thinker, Female, 29-35

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I would say that since you have a son, it is much more beneficial for him to have a father. You say you can fall back in love with your husband. I see no real reason for you to give up. Just because you don't feel in love anymore, doesn't mean it's time to give up. That just means that it's time to give this relationship more attention. Especially since you have a son. It would be selfish if you left him, in my opinion, since your son needs him. He would be worse off if you left. This is just a chance for you to renew the love you had when you first married. I would suggest looking at yourself first, and seeing what you can do better in your relationship. That will take the focus off the negative aspects you are seeing right now. Once you start to change, I am willing to bet your husband probably will too.

- Response by goldfishgirl, A Sweet Sarah, Female, 22-25, Who Cares?

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