Back to Home

Active Questions

Should I stay with my boyfriend?
Dating / 4:28 PM - Friday July 03, 2009

Should I stay with my boyfriend?

I have been with my b/f for 6 years, since I was 17. He was my 1st real boyfriend, and is 10 years older than me. But now I am not sure whether I am still in love with him. I love him, and he is like my best friend, but I am not sure he is "the one". Is this just how a relationship gets, or should I expect more? I am scared I am just settling becaause it is the easy option. Advice please.

Update: July 03, 2009.
Just some added info: I don't feel attracted to him anymore, I never want sex, but I don't feel very attractive myself as I have put on weight, so maybe thats my problem. We basically lead 2 lives, we are both independant, which is good, but he has to make all the decsions, even silly things like if we go out, if I suggest somewhere, he suggests somewhere else and we have to go there. If I disagree with his opinion, hes the one who has to be right. I don't know whether I am just being picky, I just don't know!!! aarrhhh

- Asked by A Career Woman, Female, 22-25, Birmingham, Financial / Banking

READ MORE ABOUT THE RATING SYSTEM

what is it about him that you are not sure about? has he done something to lose your trust? is he not romantic? is he getting fat and dumpy in his old age (of 33)? or have you just lost that 'love drug' feeling that you had when you were first together (cause that fades after 2 years for everyone)?

- Response by pizzatroll, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 36-45, Science / Engineering

Rating Received:


Sounds like you are just feeling a little bored.

If someone you love, and have been with HAPPILY for 10 years, is NOT "the one" then, *nobody* will ever be. I think you both just need some spicing up to re-kindle the spark in the relationship. Don't ruin a good thing just because you're feeling a bit restless. There is NO relationship that's going to stay at "fever pitch" after 10 years.

- Response by justpassingthru, A Thinker, Female, 46-55, Financial / Banking

Rating Received:

Community Rating: Community Star

When relationships begin at an early age, it is common for one of the two, to grow in a different direction than the other person. Just like two people the SAME age, starting out early, and one will grow up quicker than the other; zooming past their partner, intellectually, emotionally, etc., and leave the other behind.

They wake up one morning only to realize that they no longer have ANYTHING in common. And, it can happen so subtly, that the person that has progressed past the other, often wonders HOW DID THAT HAPPEN?

That is s factor to be considered when you are very young. When the OLD FOLKS tell kids that they should wait until they really know what they want; and have experienced a little bit of life, before they make BIG DECISIONS and CHOICES; there is really good reason for it.

- Response by randyl, A Thinker, Female, 36-45, Los Angeles, Consulting

Rating Received:


He has low self confidence so he needs to be in control so he picked a child to be with that he can control.This of course continues as people don't change but now you have grown up yourself and are beginning to notice it.

You also had to skip an important developemental period in your life.The time between moving out of your parents house and finding a mate to live with.During that in between time it's important that people have time to find out about themselves and what they are capable of.It allows them to prove to themselves that they can be independent beings and so when they do get with someone it's because they want to and not out of any need for support from the other.It also gives the person a sense of satisfaction and accomplishment to be able to function on your own and this allows you to more fully share yourself with another.

But you went from domination by one set of parents to domination by another without that time in between to see yourself as a capable and fully functioning adult.Now that you are an adult his continueing to try to run your life for you is becoming bothersome and causing problems.

- Response by justme38271, A Mr. Married Guy, Male, 36-45, Consulting

Rating Received:


You may have outgrown him.

This is one of the problems when a relationship has this much of an age difference.

You started dating him when you were 17 and he was 27. He was already an adult, and most likely knew what he wanted from life. You were still growing up and learning about yourself and the world.

Well, now it's six years later, and you're an adult. At 23 you know yourself a lot better, and have a better sense of what you'd like your direction in life to be. He, on the other, likely hasn't changed too much fromm 27 to 33.

I'm sure you still love him, but chances are he is no longer the right man for you.

- Response by piscesrising, A Thinker, Female, Who Cares?, Boston, Celebrity

Rating Received:



Apparently, there will ALWAYS be a place reserved in your heart for him, If you move on, will you be able to give your 'whole heart' to the future Mr. right? Would be my question...ijs

- Response by billpayer, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 66 or older, Who Cares?

Rating Received:


27 was much too old for you and it is no wonder you feel confused. Your teen years should be spent getting an education and dating. Most older men choose younger women as they can control them. Perhaps you have discovered you are a woman and capable of running your own life. Where were your parents? The older guy should have been told to move on when you were a teen. Let him go and find out just who you are. Rosey

- Response by roseytalks, A Thinker, Female, Who Cares?, Tampa, Who Cares?

Rating Received:


27 was much too old for you and it is no wonder you feel confused. Your teen years should be spent getting an education and dating. Most older men choose younger women as they can control them. Perhaps you have discovered you are a woman and capable of running your own life. Where were your parents? The older guy should have been told to move on when you were a teen. Let him go and find out just who you are. Rosey

- Response by roseytalks, A Thinker, Female, Who Cares?, Tampa, Who Cares?

Rating Received:


In my perspective Id give myself a break. You were young and sounds like you might of even ignored your friends to be with him. If he even controls where you both go and not willing to even give you an option he sounds controling once again age difference is a huge factor you are still young he is older probably wanting to settle down. Live your life girl!

- Response by crystalsordiamonds, A Trendsetter, Female, 18-21, Student

Rating Received:

Back to Active Questions