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I am very,very lonely.
Dating / 5:12 PM - Friday July 03, 2009

I am very,very lonely.

I just can't seem to find the "one" for me. I've had it with the club scene and all the guys from work are either too young and immature or older and married. I have been living on my own now for almost ten years. How can I stop from feeling so lonely?

- Asked by Female, 26-28

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Join some single groups in your area. You won't meet anyone walking from your living room to your kitchen...

What do you like to do? Any interest in hobbies, the arts, books? Find single mixed groups (men and women) who have things in common with you.

Usually, holidays promote dances and mixed parties. Get involved!

- Response by pushkins, A Thinker, Female, 66 or older, Miami, Who Cares?

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"Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." Albert Einstein

so, try placing yourself in a position where the men YOU desire will be. think online. think lunch places next to med/tech centers. think sports bars. the club scene is for kids that just want a hook up. serious adults look elsewhere.

- Response by pizzatroll, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 36-45, Science / Engineering

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I sooooooo know what you are feeling... because I feel the same exact way! I took advice from others, like joining clubs (I joined a "singles" club, and when I went to one of the get togethers, I felt like an idiot, totally out of place. I do not feel comfortable trying to meet someone online, so my options are very limited. I mean, if people are going to do that, why not just stop guys on the street and give them a quiz??? It's just as random, in my opinion. People say, "You need to get out there!" And trust me, when I've done these things, I felt more lonely than if I would have stayed home. I keep hoping that I will meet someone through a friend or something, but so far, nothing has happened.

I still have hope, but the flame is getting dimmer...

- Response by holysmokes69, A Thinker, Female, 36-45, Financial / Banking

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Get a cat! they're great company!!! :)

- Response by cindylouwho, A Sweet Sarah, Female, 46-55, Who Cares?

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Have you tried a legit good dating site like eharmony or JCmatch? i know several people who met someone real nice off there. one couple i know are married.

- Response by solstess, A Thinker, Female, 46-55, Detroit, Artist / Musician / Writer

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Everything that Pizza Troll said was right on. I would just add that making friends in general is not a bad idea. They also lead to meeting other people (their friends and family). Don't exclude your social desires to just a person to date.

Plenty of plain old friends can fill your life up too and add a lot of quality at the same time.

- Response by randyl, A Thinker, Female, 36-45, Los Angeles, Consulting

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You don't have to be on your own to feel lonely.

Loneliness is a state of mind.

So, I suggest you do what makes you happy. If you don't know what that is, that is the challenge you should set yourself.

...:)


- Response by bluegenel, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 36-45, Technical

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I don't know about online dating. Most people on there seem to be chronically dateless or just looking for a hookup. Making friends in the area is your best bet in my opinion.

- Response by seanc, A Guy Critical, Male, 22-25, Financial / Banking

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You should read "The Comeback Season" by Cathy Day. This was written by a highly educated woman trying to find love in her life. She joined clubs, she went online, she joined dating services. She made it her mission to find someone. And STILL she ended up single. And then there are those that don't even try, and Romeo ends up on their lap. Who knows? Are some women not meant to find their man?

- Response by holysmokes69, A Thinker, Female, 36-45, Financial / Banking

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Go out and meet new people, try joing a club or a gym. You may also look into going to church. Also reflect on yourself and there may be something that you do (personality wise) that drives men away from you. A person that has self reflection and can admit they are wrong from time to time is a very valuable lesson to learn.

- Response by A Guy Critical, Male, 26-28

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I don't know what you do in life, but try to use your strength to help some people who are in a worse condition than you, perhaps the sick, the old, the children. Engage socially, mingle with people, be active in the society, don't think so much about the right one. What if I tell you that some people who I loved deeply, died, that some who loved me deeply, died, that we never succeeded to be together, but I don't feel lonely, I live very actively. Life gives you some impossible situations and they make your character. Use your life for a good course, you won't regret it. I know you will be happy , you just have to notice good things around you. And notice "the right one".

- Response by francoise, A Thinker, Female, 56-65, Teaching

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I totally understand what you are going through. To be honest i have seen myself go from an enthusiastic, happy woman to one that has become so jaded. I have been there and done that, put myself out there tried to be friendly and outgoing, did the whole dating thing but that just made things worse and the few friends i have here are in relationships so they obviously have their own thing going.
I used to love writing and i'm thinking of going back to that but at the moment i dont even have the energy or zeal for anything anymore. I feel like if this is how my life is going to continue then maybe there is no point in it going on (well i feel that way atimes). So now with my sob story do you see that you are not alone? Cheer up (somewhat). I registered to two charity organisations yday as a volunteer and hope to get myself engaged in that. At the mo, i don't have a job, broke, no man and very few fairweather friends! I hope one day our stories will change!!

- Response by A Sweet Sarah, Female, 26-28

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you need to change where you do your looking....and you also need to realize that the best guys definitely do not hang out in bars. You need to find places to go where "the good guys" are doing activities. for example, many good guys do charity work in their spare time.....cause it is far better to give back then to go out drinking.

- Response by sirkermittsg, A Guy Critical, Male, 29-35, Dallas, Transportation

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