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Is this an innocent encounter, or not?
Dating / 5:53 PM - Friday July 03, 2009

Is this an innocent encounter, or not?

A guy I dated 15 years ago (for about 5 months) was working (contractually) where I work. We had spoken only once since we dated and that was a couple of years ago when we accidentally ran into each other on the street (and at that time, I told him where I worked during our conversation and it turns out we were both "single" again). At that time, we didn't exchange numbers or information, because we just happened to "bump" into each other.

Well, he came to my office Wednesday and I was surprised! We chatted briefly and I invited him to come back by my office after he finished.

He did, and as we chatted, I told him we should get together for lunch soon and not let so much time go by again...and he looked fantastic, so I was hoping he might still be single and maybe we could hang out again.

I decided I was going to write my cell # down and give it to him before he left...but, as we chatted he asked if I was still single. I said I was, and I said, "You're single, too, right?"

And he looked past me, shuffled his feet, and said, "Well, yeah, but I'm engaged."

I think my jaw dropped, and I can tell you I was disappointed to hear that.

Needless to say, I changed my mind about giving him my cell # ...but he said, "We SHOULD get together for lunch sometime my email address is blahblahblah.com," and he asked for my email address (I hesitated, but gave it to him).

After that, I said I had better get back to work - that it was great seeing him again - and he smiled, opened his arms wide and said, "Give me a hug before I leave."

Now...does this sound innocent on his part? I can't decide if he's prowling, or if he's just trying to be nice to an "old friend". Of course he hasn't emailed me, so I thinking I'm making more of this than I should.




- Asked by A Thinker, Female, 36-45, Atlanta, Artist / Musician / Writer

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Sounds more like he's being nice to an old friend. If he was prowling he would not have mentioned his engagement or if her did he would have made like it was about to end anyways. The fact he didn't pretty much said he was being a friend and not on the prowl.

- Response by canajun, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 46-55, Vancouver, Self-Employed

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I think it's pretty obvious you are thinking more of this man than you should. If the shoe was on the other foot, would you want your fiance giving his email addy, agreeing to lunch, and asking for hugs from another woman, period?

- Response by tortureu2, A Thinker, Female, 36-45, Other Profession

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Certainly it could be innocent. Many people are loving and caring and do not like to burn bridges in life.

I do not like to cut off relationships. I am still on talking terms with every man I ever dated; or married. lol

He sounds like a nice guy and would probably make a great friend. And, never forget the possibility of him being a job related help to you in the future. You never know when a friend could be helpful in the future either as a general character reference or end up in a position that could directly help your career.

Do not burn bridges when it is not necessary. :)

- Response by randyl, A Thinker, Female, 36-45, Los Angeles, Consulting

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Sounds like he was happy to see you, there may still be some chemistry between the two of you, but he's now taken and not going to pursue anything further with you. The hug was a friendly gesture, that's all.

- Response by snowbear08, A Cool Mom, Female, 36-45, Pittsburgh, Who Cares?

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He probably doesn't take it so seriously, but wants to show that he likes you. Don't expect anything from him. It's finished. The reason why it finished still exists.

- Response by francoise, A Thinker, Female, 56-65, Teaching

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Yes, I think you're making more of this than you should. The guy isn't interested in you. If he was he would have gotten in contact with you - he could have found you. He's moved on, so you do the same. Do not get in touch with him - and if by chance he should get in touch with you, drop it/him. You'd be playing with fire and someone - YOU - will get burned. Again, if he was interested in you, he would have found you before and pursued you before he was engaged. He's made a commitment to someone else - not you - so move on.

- Response by gowith, A Thinker, Female, 46-55

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