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My bestfriends husband died yesterday..
Friendship / 11:00 AM - Tuesday November 03, 2009

My bestfriends husband died yesterday..

My bf is devasted...they have a 9 year old daughter together, he was only 31 years old. I'm lost for words, when I see her...what can I do, or say to make her feel a little bit better...

- Asked by A Married Girl, Female, 26-28, Other Profession

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To be honest, there is nothing you can say that will help make her feel better but you can be there for her and hug her, listen to her and support her through this horrible time...she may only need someone to hold her and listen to her and just having you there will probably be more than enough...I went through the same thing when my mom died and no matter what anyone said, it wasn't as 'comforting' as having someone sitting with me and just letting me cry or holding me as I cried...you're a great friend for being so concerned and I hope your friend gets through this horrible time...:D

- Response by fastball, A Creative, Female, 36-45, Student

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She won't feel better. Nothing you can say will make her feel better. Just be there when she needs you.

- Response by roaminginsomniac, A Sweet Sarah, Female, 29-35, Veterinary

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she is going to be sad for a long time, a few years.
Just BE THERE for her. she is mourning and probably doesn't feel like cooking. On your days off, why don't you make her some tasty casseroles,buy some potato chips, um, cut-up-fruit plate? Help her feed herself and her 9yr old daughter. Emotional crying can really really DRAIN a person.
Help her clean house, help her with fixing food. Like, Make a casserole she can just scoop some and microwave it......

I am so sorry that happened. that is HORRIBLE. I would also be at a loss for words..
um,,, rent a funny movie? even a couple small laughs could help get her mind off of everything for just TWO MINUTES, would be such a relief!

Come on over, even when she SAYS she wants to be left alone.
buy her an apple pie....bring it over.

She's going to need some comforting, a little babying. and she might lash out at you during the Anger phase of mourning. Just dont get mad back.. leave for the day or whatever. and DONT mention it again, let it go. She is HURTING.
people mourning lash out like Hurt Animals lash out, not meaning to attack YOU personally, but they are scared and hurt... Understand that basic fact and you'll get far.

Only time can heal it. In the meantime, just make sure her house doesn't become a pigsty and that SHE eats. I'm sure she will take care of her daughter, always, but she may neglect herself.

Maybe change the sheets on the bed for her? that is something I did NOT DO when I was mourning... I let the sheets get damn-near crusty and just wallowed in them and cried...

Help her with laundry?
oh, its the little things she'll appreciate the most.
When she FEELS like talking, even if its 4am, BE THERE! You can always take Caffeine tomorrow, but be there when she feels like venting/talking/express ing...

wow. take care of your friend, she's going to need it.


GOD BLESS!!!!!

- Response by discotrash, A Life of the Party, Female, 22-25, Las Vegas, Other Profession

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I'm sorry for her loss. Just give her a big hug and let her know you are there for her, perhaps provide some meals for her and her daughter, babysit for her so she can make arrangements. She needs your support and comfort.

- Response by hulagirl55, A Sportif, Female, 46-55, San Francisco, Who Cares?

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That's horrible. Nothing really to say, just be there for her. Be strong and maybe try and help with their daughter.
So sorry her and her daughters world was turned upside down

- Response by youngfuddyduddy, A Married Girl, Female, 36-45, Who Cares?

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"I am so sorry for your loss. You have my most sincere and deepest sympathy. I'm at a loss for words. How can I help you with this difficult situation?" And then just hug her and hold her.

Offer to watch their daughter and make meals for them. Will his family assist her with the arrangements? If not -- offer to go with her.

- Response by utahmom, A Thinker, Female, 46-55, Salt Lake City, Managerial

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You don't need words right now....
Just stay by her side, and be there, whether it be for her tears, or just for company, it's the best support you can give her right now.
The added grief of the daughter will make it harder for her, try to help out with the little one if you can too. My condolences.

- Response by nysbikergirl, An Alternative Girl, Female, 46-55, Who Cares?

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Oh God that's horrible. The only thing you can do is be there for whenever she needs you. Take her food, supplies etc to keep the house fed and healthy and just be a shoulder. When she needs anything more she will ask.

- Response by alex86, A Hippie Chick, Female, 22-25

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I've very sorry to hear this. What you do is simply be there. Nothing you can say will take her pain away. But you can bring food,help with household chores and just sit with her.

- Response by llafsroh, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 36-45, Boston, Science / Engineering

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It varies a lot, as to what may make her feel better.

Things that will make it vary, their religious convictions, was it sudden or expected. If sudden the 9 yr old probably has no idea what happened.

Some need time apart, some need time together.
With a 9 yr old she will have her hands full, with explaining death. If not hands full with legal financial matters.
Sometimes the simplest things, are the ones that keep this time saner. Many will offer callme if you need anything but sometimes the better thing is to offer specific things.
Like offering to sit the girl. Or just clean /do yardwork/ help out with some minor things esp if he used to do them.



- Response by jjcabin, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 36-45, Washington, DC, Technical

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don't think anything can really be said but just let her know that you are there for her.

- Response by usarmy24id, A Mr. Married Guy, Male, 36-45, Celebrity

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Be kind as you seem to be very kind. Just be there and patients if she is emotional. A loss of someone so close is very hard. Bring her a calm loving shoulder. Let her talk at her own will.

- Response by rubee, A Sportif, Female, 36-45, Who Cares?

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Not a lot you can do I lost my first husband when I was 27 years old. Be prepared to comfort her the best you can. And there were many late night call that my best friend took.


- Response by seasons4, An Alternative Girl, Female, 46-55, Milwaukee, Financial / Banking

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Just be there for her and listen if she feels like talking. My two sisters just died not six months from each other so I know there is nothing anyone can do to make it right--but if someone listens to you it is invaluable. She will need support dealing with her daughter also. Just be there no a consistent basis because everyone disappears after the funeral and then she will be left alone.

- Response by dreamdancer, A Creative, Female, 29-35, Houston, Other Profession

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Just be there for her. Know how/when to shut up and listen. Let her grieve and don't try to "fix it." Time will do that on its own.
I don't say that in a disrespectful manner, but so many women get all blabby and chatter useless crap when they are nervous or in an uncomfortable in a situation. That usually further exacerbates the raw feelings that need soothing....



- Response by singledad281, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 36-45, Houston, Veterinary

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their is nothing you can say just be their for them

- Response by bigcurt, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 46-55, Pittsburgh, Self-Employed

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I am so sorry to hear of your friend's loss. When my daughters' father died last April, my two best friends really came through for me. They helped me with my kids, they went with me to the funeral home, the police station, helped with the memorial service details, etc., etc., were in constant contact either in person or via phone. Although they were not the only ones who provided support, they, more than anyone, since I don't have any family near by, helped me get through the worst of the immediate aftermath. Also, continue to be there for her, after the flurry of activity and expressions of condolences die down . . . a month, six months later. She will continue, as will her daughter, to need the love and attention of friends. My two friends still make almost weekly dates to see me and the kids, and they check in on us all the time. Also, allow and encourage her and her daughter to grieve and grieve in their own way. Sometimes they need a safe place (person with whom) to do that. Blessings.

- Response by carinabay, A Cool Mom, Female, 36-45, Lawyer

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I don't think there's anything you can say to make her feel better. I think the best thing you can do is just be there for her! Let her come around in her own time! Losing a spouse is a HUGE loss and is a VERY delicate situation. Be her shoulder when she's feeling weak/tired. Be her ear when she needs to vent/sound off. And only if she asks your opinion, then VERY carefully offer it, but not a moment before then! You'll know when it's time to 'push' or nudge her towards living again, but right now, you should just be there for her as a comforter. I hope this helps and I'm sorry to hear about your friend's loss!

- Response by Veronica71276, A Creative, Female, 29-35, Who Cares?

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Just be there for her. That's the best you can do. Ask her if she needs help making the arrangements for the funeral. And most important, give her and her daughter a great big hug.

- Response by cdmom1971, A Cool Mom, Female, 36-45, Administrative

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tellher you will support her in any way that you can...and do it

- Response by hotair, A Father Figure, Male, 56-65, New Orleans, Transportation

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aww I'm sorry :( but can't do anything to make her feel better all you can do is be there for her and that's enough.

- Response by TheSshhmoe, An Alternative Girl, Female, 18-21, Student

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Someone told me once when that happens, even when people have the best intentions, saying "let me know what I can do" is never helpful. You should actually offer to do concrete things, like dropping teh daughter off at school or offering to watch her up if Mom has things to do. Other people have suggested cooking...mabye running errands like taking in dry cleaning or picking up groceries?

- Response by waitinggirl22, A Sweet Sarah, Female, Who Cares?, Los Angeles

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u cant. shes gotta be just OVERCOME with sadness. all u can do is be there and support her. no words will help. damn, thats sad.

- Response by foonlord, A Creative, Male, 26-28, San Francisco, Internet / New Media

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Just be there for her. Listen to whatever it is she has to say. Sometimes it's not what you say, but what you do.

- Response by seductivepisces9, A Thinker, Female, 29-35, Cleveland, Student

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My condolences. Make sure you are available to listen and be there for her.



- Response by lovelylife, A Thinker, Female, Who Cares?

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