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I need honest answers thank you.
Family & Parenting / 9:41 AM - Tuesday November 17, 2009

I need honest answers thank you.

I'm divorced for almost 4 years. The boyfriend and my ex live in the house with our 2 kids. One is a daughter who is going to college and has no problems studying/being motivated. On the other hand I have an 18 year old son who's starting to hang out with the wrong crowd. My ex calls me and wants me to talk to him which I will. (I feel that the boyfriend should be his father but I always hear that kids don't really listen to their step parents) I have marked it on the calendar to call him once every Friday. I plan on getting together every other Friday and do something with him. Can anyone suggest a book to read for divorced fathers who need to stay in their sons/daughters lives? I just to do the best I can. I don't want to take a blase attitude because even though I think it was wrong for the ex to break up our family I must move on and be the father my son needs. We all tend to get complacent and I want to avoid that. Thanks

- Asked by Male, 46-55

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Your plans are a good start.Call him a couple times a week.

- Response by frenchkiss49, A Thinker, Female, 56-65, Tampa, Who Cares?

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I'm glad that you're taking an interest in your son and plan to be more involved. This is very important for his development.

I don't have any book recommendations, but there are many resources on the net. I did a google search and came up with a number of sites that you may find helpful, including:

http://www.just4dads.or g/betterrelationship.ht ml
http://singledadlife. com/2009/11/06/teens-dads/
http://www.fathers.c om/content/index.php?op tion=com_content&task=v iew&id=99&Itemid=62

All the best to you and your children.

- Response by carinabay, A Cool Mom, Female, 36-45, Lawyer

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Hey, Dad....another divorced Dad here.
You are going to have a tough battle in front of you, as you got off to a bad start. Your children are YOURS, not the man that Mom tossed you for. Their relationship with you is YOUR responsibility.
Consider yourself beaten thoroughly.
Now, to matters at hand, To be a real Dad requires a lot of personal sacrifice. You sacrifice your time, your heart, sometimes your money, and whatever else comes along that will try to get in between you and your kids. You have a small start, but it really needs to be more in order to be effective. My son calls me 2 times a day, and sometimes those calls may be while I am in the middle of something. I have learned that nothing is more important than him, so I excuse myself from the current event, whether it be work, a client, or whatever, and take his call. He has learned that he can call Dad anytime of the day or night, and talk about anything on his mind. I have learned that he is the joy in my life; the smile in my heart, my very reason for being on this earth. Every time I have excused myself to talk to him, I just let the other person know it is my son, and they always smile and wait patiently until I am finished.
Then, I get him 2 times a week, on the same days every week, and he knows that I will be picking him up come hell or high water. We will do our "Guy things" which will include everything from going out to dinner to flying a kite on the windy days. Interaction is the key, and it is YOU that has to make a commitment and make it all happen. The rewards are great! The more you do it, the easier it becomes, and the more you will look forward to your time together. No one has the power that you have in this regard. No one will appreciate the investment you put into your children more than they will. You have everything to gain, and nothing to lose. He needs you, and I will bet that you really need him, too. Loving him will help you become more of a man as each day passes. He will teach you about unforgiveness toward his Mom, as you will have to interact with her to make it happen. He will teach you about the very core of life; love at the highest level. Years from now , you will look back and say one of two things;
"I am so proud of my son and the time we spent together"
or
"Why doesn't my son come to see me or call me any more?"

You choose. You can do it, if you will.
Be the Dad God put you on this earth to be.

- Response by beemerdoc, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 56-65, Technical

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Honest answer... You are there dad! Why is it his responsiblity to father your children because the marriage did not work out? If you love your children then it is a simple thing to play the part. No book is needed. All that you need to do is put the hurt and anger aside that you have from the marriage and be there for your children. Just because your marriage ended doesn't mean your role as a father did too. From a single mother's point of veiw... your children deserve more of your time than what you stated above. Busy or not. The person that needs the book is the step dad on how to raise children that are not his.

If she left for this man which is now your children's step-father.... why freely give him your children. Let him have your wife... but your children are your flesh and blood. No one can take that away. Your children is still your family, don't give up on them.

The more people in your chidren's life that love and cherish them... the better.

I think the book you are in need of is how to recover from a divorce.

- Response by A Sweet Sarah, Female, 26-28, Detroit, Other Profession

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just thank you...

- Response by j3s5e, A Rebel, Male, 26-28, Retired

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Divorced for 4 years. So your son was 14 and it sounds like you abandoned him to he raised by another man? Was the divorce his fault? Did he and his sister divorce you?

I dont have a book idea but if he hold resentment for the way you have treated him he is not going to listen to you. And if your only doing this to show people around you that your not a complete cad for ditching your children then he is going to see right through this.

I would find a book about healing yourself and seeking forgiveness in others before you go and try to help your son. Calling him more is a good start but limiting to every friday sounds forced on your part. He will see that. I would also find a book on loving again because you should be in love with your kids. They are you, they define you. Showing interest in what he is into is another factor. He went through his toughest teen years without a dads love. Its gonna take more than a friday call and an everyother week visit.

- Response by vickyc3008, A Sportif, Female, 29-35

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