Sex and Relationship Advice for Women

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Sex & Intimacy / 1 hour ago

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A man goes to the doctor with a swollen leg.

After a careful examination, the doctor gives the man a pill big enough to choke a horse.

"I'll be right back with some water," the doctor tells him.

The doctor has been gone a while and the man loses patience. He hobbles out to the drinking fountain, forces the pill down his throat and gobbles down water until the pill clears his throat. He hobbles back into the examining room.

The doctor comes back with a bucket of warm water. "Ok, after the tablet dissolves, soak that leg for at least 30 minutes."

- Asked by oldman52, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 56-65, Sydney, Retired

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Sex & Intimacy / 2 hours ago

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Ok ladies, this is for you.

Some of you just don't know what it's like to be a man, or know what a man wants. Now, while I admit we're not as mysterious as women, there's still some things you need to know. Your man may just be too scared to tell you, so F&J is gonna do it for them. Yep that's us, standing up for men's rights everywhere. wOOt.

1. If you're cooking a special dinner for a man, be sure to include something from each of the four major male food groups: Meat, Fried, Beer, and Red.

2. When he asks for a threesome with you and your best friend, he is only joking.

* Unless the answer is yes.

* In which case, can he videotape it?

3. Any sort of injury involving the testicles is not funny. Seriously.

4. Don't make him hold your purse in the mall. It does something to our manhood.

5. Shopping is not fascinating. Ever.

6. It is only common courtesy to leave the toilet seat up when you're done.

7. If you really want a nice guy, stop dating good-looking assholes.

8. The man is always in charge of poking the campfire with a stick and/or tending the grill.

9. Trying to provoke a large, dangerous-looking felon from across the room is not funny.

10. Don't hog the covers. Really.

11. If he has to sit through "Legends of the Fall", you have to sit through "Showgirls".

12. "Fine." is not an acceptible way to end an argument.

13. Money does not equate love. Not even in Nevada.

14. If you truly want honesty, don't ask questions you don't really want the answer to.

15. Of course he wants another beer.

16. The guy doesn't always have to sleep on the wet spot.

17. Dogs good. Cats bad. Grrrrrrr..

18. He does not want to be just friends.

19. Do not question a man's innate navigational abilities by suggesting he stop for directions.

20. He was not looking at that other girl.

* Well, okay. maybe a little.

* Okay, so what! He was looking at her. Big deal. Like you never looked at another guy.

21. He is the funniest, strongest, best-looking, most successful man you have ever met. a) And all your friends think so too. Especially the cute ones.

22. Your (select appropriate item:) butt/boobs/hair/makeup/ legs look fine. As a matter of fact, it/they look damn good. Stop asking.

23. If you want a satisfying sex life, you will never fake an orgasm. Ever.

24. Despite the overwhelming evidence to the contrary in many of the fine bars and fraternities throughout the country, not all men are cretins deserving your contempt.

25. It is not necessary to discuss the heaviness of your menstrual flow with him.

26. Remember: that Nair bottle looks an awful lot like shampoo if left in the shower.

27. Two words: blow job. Learn it. Live it. Love it. Did I meantion Love it?

28. Any attempt by a man to prepare food, no matter how feeble (ie: Microwaving a burrito, fixing Spaghetti, etc) should be met with roughly the same degree of praise a parent might shower upon their infant when it walks for the first time.

29. Those male models with perfect bodies are all gay. Accept it.

30. He heard you the first time. Honest.

31. You know, you can ask him out too. Let's spread the rejection around a little.

32. Dirty laundry comes in several categories: Looks fine/smells fine, Looks fine/smells bad, Looks dirty/smells fine. Unless you intend to wash it, do not try to disrupt piles organized in this manner.

33. Yes, Sharon Stone/Pamela Anderson/Cindy Crawford is prettier than you. Just like Brad Pitt/Antonio Banderas/Keanu Reeves is better looking than him. But since neither one of you is going to be dating any of these people, love the one you're with.

34. Of course size matters, and boy does he have the grandaddy of them all.

35. His (fill in appropriate selections:) bald spot/beer gut/impossibly thick glasses/impotency/scab by rash, is cute.

36. Watching football is a major turn-on for you. But please wait until the halftime show to act upon that.

37. A successful date always starts with the woman uttering the sentence: "You know, why don't we just skip the expensive dinner and stay here having freaky circus sex all night?"

- Asked by oldman52, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 56-65, Sydney, Retired

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Sex & Intimacy / 2 hours ago

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Charlie marries a virgin.

On their wedding night, he's on fire, so he gets naked, jumps into bed, and immediately begins groping her. "Charles! I expect you to be as mannerly
in bed as you are at the dinner table."

So, Charlie folds his hands on his lap and says, "Is this better?"

"Much better!" she replies with a smile.

"Okay, then," he says, "now will you please pass the pussy."

- Asked by oldman52, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 56-65, Sydney, Retired

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Sex & Intimacy / 2 hours ago

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Invited by a co-worker to a party, ended up sleeping with her BF/"baby daddy"

I work the opposite shift from a sweet, beautiful co-worker. She invited me to a Halloween party that she and her BF/"baby daddy" were attending. I went and met her BF first because she was running late. He was gorgeous and we both had a connection immediately. To make the long story short, she left the party early to be home with the baby, plus she left because she didn't like how her BF was supposedly hitting on the friend she arrived with, she tells me later that she has trust issues (right...I see why now). He and I were left at the party for the rest of the night. He was the only one I knew and I don't know how it happened, alcohol or what, but we ended up sleeping together. I feel saddened and ashamed. We were both at fault. How do I face her if she ever finds out the truth? I can't stop thinking about him and he is now inviting me to hang out with him and his best friend, whom I also met at the party. I know I should avoid any more contact with them, but then is all avoidance suspicious?

- Asked by Female, 26-28

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Sex & Intimacy / 2 hours ago

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Would you get with your cousins Ex?

Let's say you had a step cousin. You guys were basically raised as cousins, you have your differences and what not. If your cousin broke up with her man for accusing him of cheating when he didn't (she just wanted someone else) and he was venting to you. You guys start hanging out getting attractive to one another, would you hook up with him? Do you think it's wrong to have sex with him?

- Asked by Female, 18-21

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Sex & Intimacy / 4 hours ago

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When was the last time you

stood naked in front of a mirror ? What did the mirror reflect ?

- Asked by orgasmic007, A Life of the Party, Male, 36-45, New Delhi

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Sex & Intimacy / 5 hours ago

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Hmmm... sex? not right now.

i've been seeing someone for a couple of months and it's been going well. we definitely like each other and see each other often, however, by now.. i figured we would have established some sort of 'we're dating' relationship... or even an official exchange of 'i-really-like-you's' but we havent. besides that, it is very clear he wants to get intimate with me and has suggested it vaguely.. but i dont feel i am ready to do that with him so early. simply because i feel like we need to connect emotionally and that becomes before the physical in my book. any thoughts on how to proceed? i'm a little confused as it it not easy to communicate this with someone especially since we're still getting to know each other... and because we kind of lack the communication skills to be so open. what if i tell him this, how should i put it and what will he say?

- Asked by Female, 22-25

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